Hope everyone one is having a wonderful weekend so far...
Mine has been pretty busy so far. Took Daddy to the airport early yesterday morning. He will be spending the summer in Michigan with his mom & extended family. Met up with Mary to help out with her new car/old car drop off. Then spent the day with Kim and her kids, and our friend Brandi swimming. Came home last night and went to bed @ 8...and slept till 9:15 this morning!!! I feel so much better now. Got up this morning and spent 2 hours at the pool...I was the only one there, loved it!!
Regarding the diet this week, I crashed & hit rock bottom. Everyday this week I have been getting closer & closer to my old eating habits. I never set out to do that, but I have every excuse in the book why this happened. Work, hanging out with friends, being too tried to cook, just feeling blah...the list goes on & on. I could go in tomorrow for weigh-in and say "I dont know why I did not lose this week, how can that be!" But all I am doing is kidding myself. Nobody forced me to eat this week, I am an adult who made a few bad choices, and I will take full responsiblity.
At least at this point in my life I can see & admit that I failed this week. I could beat myself up for it or learn from it and move forward. The more upset I get with myself the more I just want to throw in the towel and call it quits. Like with any addiction you have set backs, most people at one point or another relapse. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.
Here is to knowing that tomorrow will be better...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Happy Early Hump Day!
Hope everyone is having a good week so far, mine has been OK. Did my weigh-in yesterday at work and was down 1 pound. I was happy with that since I was not really follow a diet program last week since I was getting over being sick. Total now...7.7 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks! Feeling better this week and doing well sticking to the program.
I had a heart to heart conversation last night with a good friend and we discussed our relationships with men. She is going through a break-up and is having a hard time dealing with it...I can relate! As most of you know, I went through a bad break up several, and I mean several years ago. To this day, I am still having a hard time dealing with it. I wont bore you all with details, but the reason I am telling you this is because it was the main root of my weight gain during my 20's. Food was my best friend, my comfort, and something I could go home to & cry with. I build up a wall so I could not get hurt again. Then when the my weight got heavier it became my shield against people/men. They would not want to date a fat girl, score for me...I could not get hurt again! So this became "my thing" stay heavy, men wont talk to you, so in the long run I cant get hurt again.
I told my friend last night to not do what I did. I have wasted so many years on this one person hurting me, that I have lost so many years for myself. I am finally ready to break that shield and let someone in, but first I have to be OK with myself. I feel like an onion right now peeling away the layers of crap that I have been holding onto for so long. All the bad choices in my life (not just the main one) but all the people that I let push me around & step on me...I am over it! It is time for me to live my life & not think about what other people think...or even care what they think. I have lost so many years...I am not losing one more day!!!
I had a heart to heart conversation last night with a good friend and we discussed our relationships with men. She is going through a break-up and is having a hard time dealing with it...I can relate! As most of you know, I went through a bad break up several, and I mean several years ago. To this day, I am still having a hard time dealing with it. I wont bore you all with details, but the reason I am telling you this is because it was the main root of my weight gain during my 20's. Food was my best friend, my comfort, and something I could go home to & cry with. I build up a wall so I could not get hurt again. Then when the my weight got heavier it became my shield against people/men. They would not want to date a fat girl, score for me...I could not get hurt again! So this became "my thing" stay heavy, men wont talk to you, so in the long run I cant get hurt again.
I told my friend last night to not do what I did. I have wasted so many years on this one person hurting me, that I have lost so many years for myself. I am finally ready to break that shield and let someone in, but first I have to be OK with myself. I feel like an onion right now peeling away the layers of crap that I have been holding onto for so long. All the bad choices in my life (not just the main one) but all the people that I let push me around & step on me...I am over it! It is time for me to live my life & not think about what other people think...or even care what they think. I have lost so many years...I am not losing one more day!!!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Good Day...
Sorry I have not written in a few days. Work is busy as always, and just been coming home and crashing. I have been better on the crying this week, had a small melt down Friday at work. I was trying to find a weekend that I can go home for a TECH football game & both weekends I am looking at another co-worker is already taking that Friday off. I really don't want to fly all the way there Saturday & have to turn right back around on Sunday, and being out on a Monday just sucks. Not sure what we will do, guess I will have to talk with the bosses on Monday. GOOD NEWS...my mom booked my flight for 4th of July!!! So excited to go home & see the folks brand new house that should be done in a week or so!!!
I am back on my "modified" diet, and re-started a lower dose of Phentermine today. So far today, just one mild headache that was taken care of with Motrin. Woke up early this morning and ran some errands and was back and ready for the pool by 9:45. Had a good turn out today at the pool and met a new resident that just moved in. Was back by 12:45 and then off to my Saturday nap. Just laid low tonight, made Grilled Chicken & broccoli for dinner and watch Mama Mia & Juno!
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend so far...tomorrow for me...MORE POOL! Most summers I dread getting into a swimsuit, but this year...bring it on!
I am back on my "modified" diet, and re-started a lower dose of Phentermine today. So far today, just one mild headache that was taken care of with Motrin. Woke up early this morning and ran some errands and was back and ready for the pool by 9:45. Had a good turn out today at the pool and met a new resident that just moved in. Was back by 12:45 and then off to my Saturday nap. Just laid low tonight, made Grilled Chicken & broccoli for dinner and watch Mama Mia & Juno!
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend so far...tomorrow for me...MORE POOL! Most summers I dread getting into a swimsuit, but this year...bring it on!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Feeling much better...
Today I woke up feeling about a 3 or 4 on the sick scale. Had an off again on again headache most of the day, thanks to Motrin I am feeling better. No nausea today, which was a nice surprise!
Yesterday & today I ate all 3 meals with "regular" food, trying to get myself back to normal...or whatever that feels like. Just sticking with a low calorie diet, and I am thinking tomorrow or at least by Friday I should be back feel speed ahead.
During this time I am trying to figure out why I eat or why I turned to food as comfort. Food has always been my companion when I feel sad, happy, alone, or all of the above. When I get mad, I just want to eat everything in sight. When I am sad, I crave comfort food...reminds me of home.
My mom & I laughed tonight as an information packet I had requested a few weeks back came in the mail today. Thank God it did not come last week when I was having my breakdown. It is about pre-planning your funeral. *I know people think I am crazy sometimes, but its not my funeral I am planning* As most of you know my dad has been in poor health over the years and does not seem to be getting better. Him & I have discussed over the past few years what he would like to have done, and what I would like to see happen when that time comes. Well, now that I am telling him the cost of things he is getting really "short" with me and telling me to just cremate him and put him in cookie jar! He told me to just look at the bottom of the Dallas Morning News for "those cheap funeral homes" and have them take care of it. I told him that I am not calling Jim Bob's Crematorium & asking what the daily special is!!! I keep telling him, this is not about him. Its about what my sister & I are going to want to remember...not that Daddy picked out the nicest cardboard box!!
In the past I would have shut down & turned to food to comfort me during this time. Tonight, I have not turned to food for comfort...I came here instead. I have to figure out a way to deal with my emotions without turning to food for the answer. Last week when I was at my lowest I went and got my nails done to get my mind off things. I wonder what other people do to get there mind off their problems & not turn to food.
I cant wait to get back on the diet full time again...this time without the meltdown!
Night Night for now...
Yesterday & today I ate all 3 meals with "regular" food, trying to get myself back to normal...or whatever that feels like. Just sticking with a low calorie diet, and I am thinking tomorrow or at least by Friday I should be back feel speed ahead.
During this time I am trying to figure out why I eat or why I turned to food as comfort. Food has always been my companion when I feel sad, happy, alone, or all of the above. When I get mad, I just want to eat everything in sight. When I am sad, I crave comfort food...reminds me of home.
My mom & I laughed tonight as an information packet I had requested a few weeks back came in the mail today. Thank God it did not come last week when I was having my breakdown. It is about pre-planning your funeral. *I know people think I am crazy sometimes, but its not my funeral I am planning* As most of you know my dad has been in poor health over the years and does not seem to be getting better. Him & I have discussed over the past few years what he would like to have done, and what I would like to see happen when that time comes. Well, now that I am telling him the cost of things he is getting really "short" with me and telling me to just cremate him and put him in cookie jar! He told me to just look at the bottom of the Dallas Morning News for "those cheap funeral homes" and have them take care of it. I told him that I am not calling Jim Bob's Crematorium & asking what the daily special is!!! I keep telling him, this is not about him. Its about what my sister & I are going to want to remember...not that Daddy picked out the nicest cardboard box!!
In the past I would have shut down & turned to food to comfort me during this time. Tonight, I have not turned to food for comfort...I came here instead. I have to figure out a way to deal with my emotions without turning to food for the answer. Last week when I was at my lowest I went and got my nails done to get my mind off things. I wonder what other people do to get there mind off their problems & not turn to food.
I cant wait to get back on the diet full time again...this time without the meltdown!
Night Night for now...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Staying on track...
So glad tomorrow is Wednesday...
I met with my doctor this morning & weighed at the office. Now mind you I weighed at home this morning, first thing, no clothes on a scale that I have used forever that I love...I was down 6.7 pounds since last Sunday. Went to the office, stayed clothed and I was only down 4 pounds...either way I am happy with any loss. I am having a hard time keeping my scrub pants up...that's a good sign!
Our new scale at the office weighs your fat weight, water weight, and muscle weight. That is the best thing about getting on that scale...LOL. I went from 89.5 to 86.5 pounds in fat weight, 76.5 to 76 pounds in water weight, and I went from 55.5 to 54.5 pounds of muscle. So that is great news...not all water weight!!!
Still not feeling so hot today. Headaches are still around as well as the nausea. Hartley & I discussed me stopping the diet pills for right now and getting me feeling better before we discuss that anymore. I am going from the full liquid diet to a modified version to were I will have shakes & a bar during the day and then a 550 calorie dinner. I think this will help me with my headaches, and still allow me to get the great results of this diet. It has been a proven diet that works...so I am going to push through another week & praying for another great loss this week!
I am off to watch TV and relaxed, just took some more Motrin. Just like with any diet, it takes getting used to and might have some curve balls. I am going to keep fighting forward and beat this battle!
I met with my doctor this morning & weighed at the office. Now mind you I weighed at home this morning, first thing, no clothes on a scale that I have used forever that I love...I was down 6.7 pounds since last Sunday. Went to the office, stayed clothed and I was only down 4 pounds...either way I am happy with any loss. I am having a hard time keeping my scrub pants up...that's a good sign!
Our new scale at the office weighs your fat weight, water weight, and muscle weight. That is the best thing about getting on that scale...LOL. I went from 89.5 to 86.5 pounds in fat weight, 76.5 to 76 pounds in water weight, and I went from 55.5 to 54.5 pounds of muscle. So that is great news...not all water weight!!!
Still not feeling so hot today. Headaches are still around as well as the nausea. Hartley & I discussed me stopping the diet pills for right now and getting me feeling better before we discuss that anymore. I am going from the full liquid diet to a modified version to were I will have shakes & a bar during the day and then a 550 calorie dinner. I think this will help me with my headaches, and still allow me to get the great results of this diet. It has been a proven diet that works...so I am going to push through another week & praying for another great loss this week!
I am off to watch TV and relaxed, just took some more Motrin. Just like with any diet, it takes getting used to and might have some curve balls. I am going to keep fighting forward and beat this battle!
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